A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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