So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
