I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
