His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
