a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize