why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
