Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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