She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
