I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
