You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is the high leading the old right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
