I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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