i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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