I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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