Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
