how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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