I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
