I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
