I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
