david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize