I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
