sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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