Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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