i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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