you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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