Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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