margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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