My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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