ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
