Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
