I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dignity is for republicans.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
