For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
