I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
