Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
