I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
