her vagine was all disorganized.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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