Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
