Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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