guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize