im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
