yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
