I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize