If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
