And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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