oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
