i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
