Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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