We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
