Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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