so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
