ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
