i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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