the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
