Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't deserve a penis
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
