once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
