why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
