Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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