Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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