Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize