I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
