Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
