I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
