It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize