My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
