so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
