I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize