im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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