You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize