So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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