Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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