she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
