Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
