she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize