He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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