party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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