why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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