no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
