Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
