I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
