Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
