It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
