Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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