I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
