How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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