And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
