I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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