Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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