Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
