His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
