Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
