stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
