omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
