The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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