He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have already put on my inside pants.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize