Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
