We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
