lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
