I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize