I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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