i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
