i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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