bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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