I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
