Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Too much gin, very little bucket
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
