Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
