its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
