New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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