Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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