It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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