well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
