Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
