420 ftw
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
