i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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