sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
