I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize