bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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