1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
