he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
