I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
