I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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