Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
