i think my tv is drunk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Houston, we have a squirter
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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