Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
