i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize